Last week my daughter, Blu, wanted to put up the Christmas tree. She asked everyday after school and kept saying it would make her so happy. She was saying she needed to get into the Christmas sprit and this would help. I was interested in helping her with this, but by the time we could have gotten around to it the first two days, I had to say no in order to do my evening ritual: drink wine and do nothing. Then I told Buzz the next morning what Blu was wanting and he said he read on Twitter that every time a Christmas tree is put up before Thanksgiving, an elf drowns a baby reindeer. Buzz told me he is against killing reindeer and so he was not even gonna allow us to put up the tree until next Friday, after Thanksgiving. When I picked up Red and Blu from school that day, Blu immediately started in about putting up the tree. I told her daddy has some interesting news he learned on Twitter earlier and he would tell her about it when we got home. I’m thinking there is no way she is gonna fall for this. She is 9, and super smart, and pretty much figured out who is behind all the Christmas shenanigans last year. But, I guess she forgot about all that, and threw all critical thinking out the window. Christmas has a way of making people crazy and lose their minds. Buzz tells Red and Blu what he discovered about the elves and said it’s up to Blu if we put the tree up early or not. Blu is immediately upset and wondering what kind of elf would do such a thing. She asks how can they even see your tree if it is inside your house?? She said it makes more sense if you have lights and decorations outside (which we do) for the elves to know how many baby reindeer to drown. She said she really wanted the tree up, but she can’t be responsible for these poor baby reindeer dying. Red just laughs and runs off to play with his Max Steel toys. This was 6 days ago. Thanksgiving is in 2 days.
I tell you that story so I can tell you this story:
Last night I am on the phone with my two sisters. Bunny and Tiny. Bunny and Tiny are my favorite people. (Don’t tell Buzz) They are how I know I am suppose to be here, that I am right with the world, that I’m a good person at my core, regardless of all the dumb stuff I have said and done and thought about doing and saying. They love me and support me and don’t judge me. We talk and text almost every day. So Bunny calls me on her way home from work last night and then Tiny calls and we merge her into the conversation. We are talking about the importance of whiskey in our lives and somehow we switch to Christmas lights. Bunny goes off on how she can’t believe people put up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving and how she is so embarrassed for them. I said OMG you totally need to be embarrassed for me because I have my Christmas lights up outside! Then Tiny said, well don’t go over to Mom and Dad’s house or you will be embarrassed for them too! And same for Tiny’s mother in law, she has hers up, be embarrassed for her too! After Bunny starts to calm down from her extreme judgmental state, I tell them at least my tree isn’t up thanks to Buzz. At this exact minute, my kids come upstairs from the basement yelling and screaming at each other and me. In all this noise, I get the sense Blu is horrified and needs my help. This is a daily reaction Blu has toward the world. Red is yelling at Blu to leave him alone and to worry about herself. I get to them and see Red is carrying a tiny blue tinsel xmas tree upstairs to put in his room. Red is smiling like an evil genius because this is tormenting his big sister so much. He says, looks like a baby reindeer will be dying after all.