fun size

I can’t stop eating candy.   I actually got out of bed last night because I needed chocolate.   I was almost asleep too, and then I remembered the dogs didn’t go out yet, and then this craving for chocolate came over me so intense that I had to get up.  I just started my period before bed so I’m feeling great, obviously.  Bloated, cramps, crazy hair that Buzz inquired about before bed, feeling overwhelmed, sensitive, feeling like none of this is related to my period starting what-so-ever, a little defensive, needy, hoarding candy and eating it secretly in the pantry,  wanting hugs and for everyone to leave me alone at the same time, noticing how my stomach sticks out like I’m 6 months pregnant.  You know, the usual stuff.

I did what any normal person would do…

  1. I went to Blu’s room and opened the door
  2. My two crazy dogs came rushing out and ran downstairs to the back door
  3. I went downstairs to supervise and to raid the Halloween candy
  4. I let the dogs in.  They were freezing and wondering what took me so long.
  5. Don’t judge me
  6. I had my hands full: 2 snickers, a twix, kit kat, and m&m’s.  Fun size, of course.
  7. I got my book, some water and chap stick and went to the guest bedroom
  8. I turned the heating blanket on
  9. Went to pee
  10. Checked to make sure the dogs were back in Blu’s room, shut her door
  11. Why is this taking so long?
  12. I thought I just needed chocolate?
  13. Got in bed to read my book on becoming more awesome
  14. Chocolate, quiet, alone, comfy, warm, hydrated, entertained.  I was in heaven.

How long would that have taken Buzz?  I’m so impressed with his efficiency some times.  He wonders what takes me so long to do everything.  Well, that is what took me so long to let the dogs out last night, Buzz.  I can’t do things very fast, even when I try.  I have so many steps to everything I do.  Like here is what it takes for me to go to the gym:

  1. drive to the gym
  2. get my lipgloss out at the red light
  3. check my phone
  4. keep driving
  5. turn the radio station bc I can’t handle Bruno Mars anymore
  6. sing whatever I find on the radio and turn it up loud
  7. check my phone again
  8. get to the gym and park my car
  9. put my lipgloss on
  10. get my water and my gym bag
  11. blow my nose
  12. get out and lock my car
  13. unlock my car bc I forgot my water bottle
  14. take my jacket off bc it’s too hot in the parking lot for a jacket, a hoodie and a scarf
  15. lock the doors and pay attention to which pocket I put the keys in my gym bag
  16. go in 24 hour fitness and type in my pin and get fingerprint scanned
  17. say hi to Roger at the front desk
  18. re-position my finger bc I moved it while it was scanning when I said I’m doing great to Roger
  19. walk to the locker room and grab a towel
  20. pee
  21. wash hands
  22. brush teeth
  23. why don’t you brush your teeth at the gym is the question you should be asking
  24. say hi to Helena and ask how her knee is after surgery and scar tissue scraping
  25. check my phone again and return a text
  26. walk upstairs and find a locker with a pin pad so I don’t need a lock
  27. say hi to Joe and Bob and Dave
  28. dig in my gym bag for my headphones and my arm band that holds my iphone
  29. grab my water bottle and my towel
  30. take off my hoodie and scarf
  31. lock my stuff and look at the locker number to remember what number my stuff is in
  32. pick a station on pandora and plug my earbuds in and tuck them away in my sports bra
  33. look around and figure out what to do at the gym that day
  34. see Stacy and go say hi, quickly
  35. go get on the stair climber just to get started bc you have been at the gym for so long now and you need to leave soon

I’m pretty sure there are some short cuts I could take in there somewhere, but I can’t figure out where.  It all seems equally important, especially now that I have written it down.


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